Of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most

Sunday I will be 27 weeks, officially into the third trimester and I have absolutely no brain to speak of anymore. I am screwing things up at work, forgetting to return calls, text, emails and even book meeting rooms for major meetings. It is really getting bad.

the dumb

I hope my brain is resurgent before this child is born or I may not have a job to come back to after maternity leave…. jk but only kinda.

The nesting is also in high gear. My husband is not thrilled about this but he is grin and bearing it. We are going to buy a new couch which is one of the items he is not thrilled about, he has however conceded to the fact that it is going to happen. The one we have is 10 years old and has survived many a dog butt/accidents between our dogs, family members dogs and foster dogs over the years and it stinks. I replaced both of the dog beds because they were stinky. I am going to have the carpet cleaned professionally or my husband can do it if he prefers. I am scheduling to have the house cleaned professionally closer to birth so that I do not have worry about it after the c section. We keep the house clean but I want someone to come do the spring cleaning stuff like base boards and wiping down cabinets that I will not have the energy to do before or after the baby. We will have quite a large amount of people that will visit over the next few months and I do not want to worry about it. My OCD can not handle it needing to be cleaned and the nesting is only magnifying the OCD.

I have basically finalized the registries and have picked up a few things on clearance that were too cute or cheap to pass up.

The ultrasound tech thinks she was able to tell the sex after the second ultrasound. My husband still does not want to know the sex so I am trying to not talk to him about it so I dont spill the beans. I however wanted to know so that I could plan, coming home outfit and various other gender specific items. I understand why he doesnt want to know, mostly because he is not the planner that I am and does not feel the need to be as prepared as possible before the birth. He would be at Target the day the baby is born buying stuff because that works for him. I on the other hand want to come home knowing we have what we need for at least a week if not longer. Opposites attract and only from time to time does his lack of planning make me want to kill him, ha.

Tayla has finally come around and is excited for her sibling. She finally admitted she wants a sister. I have not told her the sex of the baby yet so everyone is in suspense.

Good news

The quad screening came back negative! So, no markers for any types of down syndrome/chromosomal disorders or spina bifida. Thank the heavens!

They scare you to death when you get pregnant in your mid thirties with all of the chromosomal issues that can occur more often due to your age. I have also had a long running fear and I was praying that it would not come true. It wouldn’t be the first time life brought a long time fear to realization to teach me a lesson. I know that people have babies all of the time that have down syndrome and they love them and they are blessings. I also know that no one dreams of it happening, they make the best out of it. I am feeling blessed that this is a perfectly healthy baby.

So I have been waiting for the point in pregnancy to have the test done and then it took two weeks to get the results. The waiting again, it’s deadly.

Next week is my 20 week ultrasound. My Mom has decided that she is going to the ultrasound so that she can find out the sex. She is not having this not finding out until the baby is born. So, that should be fun…. Update after that ultrasound, ta ta for now!

Nothing like a good scare at the OB’s office to get your heart rate up

I had my 4 month appt today at the Ob’s office. It started off routinely enough with weight check, pee in a cup, blood pressure and shown to the room. I waited 30 mins for the doctor to come in and then we proceeded to try to find the heartbeat with the Doppler.

After about 10 mins of search and checking my pulse to verify that the heartbeat he could hear was mine he said, we need to move to the ultrasound room. He tells me that he needs to see the patient in the ultrasound room and then he will see me for the ultrasound.

He leaves me in near panic to sit in the room and wait. I waited about 10 minutes and then decided to kill a few more minutes by going to the restroom again. I always have to pee these days so its not a stretch. As I am leaving the room to head to the restroom I encounter him in the hallway and he tells me it will be 15 more mins. Really?????? was all I could think and I just half smiled and said thank you. Im not sure about how long it took from there because I was doing everything thing I could to stop myself from going into a full blown panic attack in the doctors office.

I was shown to the room with the ultrasound machine and at this point I can no longer hold back the tears and Im just doing what I can to remain quiet and as calm as possible.

I had felt the baby move in the car on the way to the doctors office so I was completely shocked when he couldnt find the heartbeat. Having already done the “there’s no heartbeat” ultrasound in late December of last year, I was fearing this outcome again.

The nurse was super sweet and tried to be reassuring. The doctor came in and was surprised by my tears, Im not sure why, but I guess he wasnt expecting me to fear the worst. I suppose for women that havent had that conversation, it isnt the first conclusion you jump to but after two miscarriages in the last year, it is the first one I jumped to and rightfully so in my mind.

Turns out, the baby is up near my belly button and not down near my pelvic bone where he was searching for the heartbeat. I guess he didnt take into account that this isnt my first pregnancy and my uterus has done this before, Im really not sure. All I know is the heartbeat was 150 and that is perfectly normal for 17 weeks.

I guess this baby is going to be just like his or her sister and be very fond of giving me small heart attacks at the doctors office. Anyway, I had my blood drawn for the quad screening and scheduled for the anatomy ultrasound for 20 weeks. My husband is steadfast in his relentlessness to change his mind about finding out the gender. I guess we will see what I decide to do then but for today, I am going to work on getting my heart rate back down to a normal level after the scare.


Halloween 2017

My daughter changed her mind at the last minute and decided to go with my original suggestion and be Joker for Halloween. We are a DC/Marvel characters family through and through and we love all of the characters but especially Batman and Joker. Last year she was Bucky Barnes or the Winter Solider from the Avengers series complete with homemade metal arm that was actually real metal alloy from my husbands work. It took quite a bit of time to construct but it was amazing once complete and a huge hit with anyone who saw it.

Anyway, Halloween has always been one of my daughters favorite holidays. She starts months in advance planning her costume and picking out the pieces. This year was an exception and I guess it is just a sign that she is getting older. At any rate, she pulled it together fabulously even if it took a last minute trip the night before to my most hated place on earth, Walmart, and digging in my and my husbands closet for the missing pieces. She looked awesome.

I have read some silliness on FB about older children trick or treating and my opinion as a mother of a teenager is this, I would rather her dress up and walk around with a few of her friends and collect some candy than be drinking and partying at a Halloween party with kids much older and more experienced influencing her behavior. She stopped caring about the candy years ago and barely comes home with any as she gives much of it away to other kids. For her, it is the fun of dressing up and walking around and seeing all of the other kids dressed up and I personally see nothing wrong with that.

Its strange to think how different all of the holidays will be next year with a 7 month old to dress up.  So without further ado her picture from the last two years.

Still truckin along

I had my three month appt yesterday and an ultrasound. It is amazing how much growth happens in just a month. The baby looks more like a baby and you can clearly see the hands and feet. The heart rate is 159, so everything is still looking good.

The baby was sleeping during this ultrasound unlike the last one where it was moving and shaking, which was adorable. My husband was with me for this ultrasound so I kind of wish the baby would have moved around a bit but he or she has a done a lot of growing and has a lot more to do so a nap is in order. I had to do the three hour glucose test yesterday so I am moderately convinced that my little nugget was in a sugar coma because that stuff is sickeningly sweet. The four blood draws are no fun as well. Hoping they call me soon with the results.

I am going to be a repeat c-section and I was given a delivery date yesterday. Which is kind of crazy but Im a planner so Im not terribly bothered by this information. It is only four days before my due date, lets hope that this baby holds on that long.

I have also lost 8 lbs since my last visit, so yay! I know I will gain it back in no time with the baby weight but I am trying really hard to ONLY gain baby weight. Wish me luck guys!

(PS. Im not dieting, just watching what I eat and first trimester nausea certainly helped with the food intake. I just thought the meme below was funny and it looks like my fur baby Abby so much)

diet joke meme

Sleep is running my life

IMG_5919I just crossed the 13 week mark and all I still want to do is sleep. It’s really very annoying at this point. Im thankful for this pregnancy but I am really looking forward to being awake more. I have another appointment on Tuesday and another ultrasound. My husband is still heart set on not finding out and I am still on the fence but really leaning toward finding out just for me. 😳


May I have some yogurt with trail mix and a side of fries please?

Pregnancy cravings are all too real right now, ya’ll. I have never in my life craved fruit and yogurt like I am craving it the last couple of weeks. Yesterday it was McDonalds fries (of which I avoid like the plague because you know fat and carbs are not a chubby girls best friend). There was nothing I could do, the car drove itself to the drive through on the way to take the new puppy to a training class. I had no control over my mind or the car. I made myself throw half or more of the fries away as soon as I could get a hold of the craving.

Today I had to go to the store to buy fruit, yogurt and nuts. I had to leave work and go immediately to the store and get it. I couldn’t focus on anything else. Its crazy crazy crazy the strength of hormones. Im not saying this craving was bad nutrition wise, but it was incredible the control that my body had over my mind at the moment.

I seriously hope that the second trimester brings me some relief from these food aversion and cravings because if not, this is going to be a very along 28 weeks.

On another note, everything is still looking good with my lil nugget. The heart rate was 162 at the last appointment.

I have switched doctors and I really enjoy working with this doctor a lot more. The downside is this doctors office is not in the best area and the office is not as new and up to date as the other doctor’s. However, the difference I feel in my soul when I am talking with the new doctor makes up for all that is somewhat lacking in the office situation.

Im nervous being this age and pregnant. I know that many women much older than me have healthy pregnancies and healthy children, that still doesnt change my very real fear. My life has a way of putting me in situations to face my worst fears so that I have no choice but to accept and deal with them and move on. It has happened so many times I have lost count. I feared being this age and pregnant because of the genetic issues and the huge difference in age between my first child and our second, but here I am pregnant and so far everything is fine.

The other part is I had considered doing a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) because the other doctor thought I may be a candidate. The new doctor however doesn’t do them locally. I would have to travel to a hospital about two hours away to deliver because the hospital system requires that an obstetrician and an anesthesiologist be on staff 24 hours a day and the local hospital that I would deliver in with this doctor does not have that type of staff on 24 hours a day.

I am not particularly interested in driving that far in labor honestly. I also dont have an easy feeling about doing a VBAC. Some place deep inside of me knows that because I am the anomaly in every situation, that it would not go as smoothy as it should. I am not saying it would end in tragedy, but I am quite sure it would end in some kind of unexpected situation.

Being the true to form type A personality that I am, I would rather do a cesarean and have the comfort of a more controlled setting. While I realize that all child birth carries a certain amount of risk, I feel that this one offers less than the alternative.

We have also made the news public. The doctor told me at my last visit that I had less than a 1% chance of any type of miscarriage after she did the ultrasound and I am close to the 12 week mark so we felt it was safe. The only person not over the moon with this news is our 14 year old daughter. She is less than thrilled about sharing her spotlight. I really feel that as time passes and she accepts it as well as when the baby gets here that she will soften to the idea and be happy. Wish us luck with that!

Be still my heart…..

I went to the OB yesterday to have my first check up. Its been almost two years since my last pap smear so they did a pap smear. I have been going to the fertility clinic getting my lady parts manhandled (not really but def been seen A LOT) for the last two years, and lets just say that going to the regular lady doctor kind of slipped off of my priority list.

I also had a glucose test done because of my advance maternal age and BMI. She said that it was better safe than sorry because I am already borderline high risk and they didnt want to wait until closer to the end of my pregnancy to find out there was a problem. That stuff is gross gross gross and you cant have anything to drink including water for an hour, its like cruel and unusual punishment for real!

She also talked to me about the blood test that I can do sooner because of my advanced maternal age (loving that I will be 35 when this baby is born(read dripping with sarcasm)) that tests for chromosomal abnormalities. She said they determine the gender with this test but Eric has already decided he doesnt want to know until the baby is born…. more on that later…..

The only thing we didnt do was an ultrasound, she said it was a little too early. I know that is common in the OB world but after years of fertility treatments that didnt fly with me. So I promptly emailed the RE nurse and asked when the Dr. could see me next. I had cancelled the ultrasound appt with the RE thinking that the OB would do an ultrasound like the RE does to rule out ectopic pregnancy, but sadly I was mistaken.

So I drove my happy behind the almost two hours one way this morning to have an ultrasound to settle my nerves. Let me tell you it was well worth the almost 4 hour trip because I got to see the heartbeat!

I am 6 weeks 2 days and she said everything was measuring right on time from my last period. SOOOOOOOO FREAKINGGGGGG EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!

I called my husband who is currently in China to tell him and of course he didnt answer. So I text him as I was not sure if he was in bed or what was going on. He missed his original flight there and it took twice as long to get there as it would have originally and I knew he had meetings all day the day after he arrived so I can only imagine how exhausted he is now.

He did call me back after a bit to share in the joy so that was wonderful. Not as wonderful as if he had been able to be there but close.

Now the reality sets in…. we have a chocolate lab puppy that he is picking up on his way home this coming weekend, we have a freshman in high school and we are pregnant.

Let the fun begin!!!! Stay tuned my friends


Third times a charm

I had my second beta today and it was…….


That is 41.02 hours doubling time, which is with in normal range. It is not crazy high but by the calculations of my last period which Im not 100% sure I put in the correct day (back to that checked out of baby making we talked about in the announcement blog) puts me at 5 weeks and 1 day today.

The nurse sounded very happy with the number so Im really not concerned. She didnt even want to schedule a third beta, she said that this was high enough and now we move to an ultrasound. I know that HCG alone is not a way to measure a viable pregnancy. The range is so wide and as long as it is doubling or more in a normal time frame that everything is okay. I also have no way of knowing when I ovulated because I wasnt testing so everything is a big ole guess. So the best information we have at hand is that I should be 5 weeks 1 day and with a normal doubling beta; and that ladies and gents we will take with bells on!

The nurse scheduled an ultrasound with Dr. C at the main office but I also have an appt with my local OB that same day. Im not sure which I should keep.

I technically didnt use the RE to get pregnant so I dont have to use them for the ultrasound. However, I know they are much more accustom to looking at pregnancies much earlier than an OB or ultrasound tech at a OB office because of the monitoring process involved in fertility treatment. Most OB’s like to do an ultrasound around 8 weeks, RE’s are doing ultrasounds at 6 weeks or earlier and again before they release you at 9 weeks.

Im torn…. My husband wants me to go to the OB and see what they say and considering it would save me a three hour ride round trip I am almost inclined to agree.

I guess its just hard to let go of the RE without a feeling of closure. I’ve been dealing with the nurses and doctor there for almost two years now. It was wonderful and comforting to hear how excited the nurses and the doctor were to hear that I was pregnant; even though it wasnt with their treatment. The doctor called me specifically to say how excited she was for us and how much it made her day to hear that we were pregnant. How sweet is that? I guess I just feel like I should go let them do the ultrasound and close the chapter with them. Maybe Im crazy for feeling that way but both sides have invested a heck of a lot of time in to this effort and I almost feel bad excluding them right as we are crossing the “finish line” so to speak.

So tell me, what do you think?

Patience is not my virtue

  • I have an appt with the OB on August 28th, but I couldnt wait. I broke down and showed up at the satellite office of my RE that is close to me and asked for a blood test. She laughed and said of course.

She called me about 10 am and sounded cheerful so I had hopes the news would be good.

IT’S 308!!!!!!!!

Just to put that in prospective for my situation the previous starting betas were 65 for the first FET that was a blighted ovum at 8 weeks and the second FET was 34 and that was a chemical pregnancy.

I go back Monday for a second test…… Finger crossed!