We started fertility testing in Dec 2015 and in Dec 2016 we found out that our efforts thus far had failed and we would have to try again. So my year end was the icing on the cake to my terrible 2016.
We found out Dec 29, that our IVF pregnancy was not viable as it was a blighted ovum. The gestational sack was growing but nothing was inside.So I stopped my medicine and waited for the miscarriage of our dream.
I started spotting the morning of Jan 2. My grandfather who is one of my favorite people passed Jan 2, 2010, not a wonderful day for me. The heavy bleeding began the next morning and by that night the pain was barely tolerable at points. I can only describe them as mild contractions as my body was doing as it should in this situation. Tuesday evening was terrible both mentally and physically, and Wednesday was only marginally better. Thankfully it is now “normal” period pain, so at least it is getting better.
I have opted not to do a blood test yet as I know it takes a little while for the HCG levels to drop.We do want to start the next transfer soon, but I dont need to pay for a beta to tell me my levels are dropping but still not zero. I’m currently still miscarrying, I know the levels are not zero.
The doctor called me to express her sympathy and stated that she would like to start the next transfer soon if we were ready. She wants to transfer both of the remaining blastocysts. I guess they are not top quality and she thinks transferring both will increase the odds of a viable pregnancy. I tend to agree since we transferred two 3 day embryos and only one attached and then didnt develop.
Also, my husband would love to have twins, specifically girl twins. A single baby is our goal and twins would be the ultimate blessing. Although I would be scared of twins transferring two is just fine with me.
I should also mention that my RE is pregnant. I had to go to the main office for the first pregnancy ultrasound. The doctors do those themselves so that they can see that the pregnancy is not ectopic and thats when I found out she was pregnant. I havent seen her much in the last few months. The last time was the egg retrieval and she was in loose scrubs so her belly didnt show as much. She came in to the do the ultrasound and I was so shocked that I couldnt concentrate on what she was saying about my pregnancy because I was so distracted by hers. Of course we are not friends and I can only imagine in her line of work that she understands that announcing something like that is painful to those still trying. I am truly excited for her though and will be sending her a gift for her new blessing.
We did the second ultrasound at the office nearest us, thankfully. We didnt have to drive 3.5 hours for terrible news, the 15 minute drive home was long enough. I am secretly grateful that we were allowed to have the nurse do the second ultrasound because hearing that my pregnancy was not viable from a pregnant woman would probably have been worse.
Honestly, I was realistic the entire time about the chances of the pregnancy not being successful. We had mediocre test results from the start, but I remained cautiously optimistic every step of the way. I read all sorts of threads about women who had lower betas than mine that went on to have healthy babies. I held hope in one hand and realism in the other and marched through December. I left hope in the ultrasound room of the doctors office and went home with reality.
And now we wait, its the recurrent theme for IVF. We wait for my HCG levels to drop back to zero and then I will start birth control which will begin FET #2.
I have great hope in 2017, I am trying to shake the end of 2016 and all the things that didnt go our way. I think we are on the down hill slide of those problems and hopefully sliding into a much better 2017.
Jan 2017 started like some years do with hope and prayers to the gods that it is filled with much better news than the previous. Some years are just not stellar, but I have high hopes for 2017.
Come on 2017 be gentle and kind, I could use some good news for a change and I believe in you!